dearest delfi, you are badly missed by the family...

and very much by me as well......

since young, i have never envisioned myself to become a dog-lover as i grew up... i was very scared of cats and dogs in the past (i still hate cats A LOT... i will never ever love any cat in my life...)... i used to squeal and avoid at all costs whenever a cat or dog crossed in my path...

when i first met delfi, i was lucky enough to have overcome my fear of dogs a little through the help from shi's dogs ironically.. then the love for her grew surprisingly enough... she wasnt those dogs who will cuddle to you when you are feeling sad or even "sai nai" to you to get your attention.. she's a fierce ger who had e tendency to bite everyone she was not familiar wif... perhaps its e love that is so apparent from the whole family that got me into it as well..

delfi was a bubbly dog when i first saw her who used to twirl round and round around her daddy when he came home.. u can see her excitement when she saw her daddy back home.. that was the love they had for each other and the affinity that bonds them together.. she cldnt slp when her daddy was not home.. she used to whine terribly when she knew that her daddy was not home..

i missed the times when i cld see her leaping and putting her paws on the chair, waiting for us to give her food.. as we fed her each time, she came back for more and more... i missed the times when she used to wander for no reason into the room and responded when dear BF called out to her.. she didnt react much to my calls... i missed the times where she gradually lost her sight, she wld bang her way though the room door if we ever leave a slight opening.. somehow she's very determined when she smelt food somewhere.. even when we hid in the room, she still found her way eventually... then we wld have to push her away many times but she persevered on...

until to a pt where she totally lost her sight and slight sense of smell, she still did silly things that make us laugh and made our days for no particular reason...

she collapsed once when she was fighting a tooth infection and none of us knew.. we were scared shitless and i felt reali heartbroken at tat time when i saw her so robust one wk before and so frail the following wk... i cried........... because i cldnt bear to c her wif a swollen face and wobbly legs........ it was reali reali lucky enough she recovered...

there was one time where i remembered myself sitting in the kitchen feeling very down, i dunno why but i was very certain that delfi circled around me because she knew i was sad.. somehow i was very comforted by her presence...

i never expect myself to feel so deeply for a dog before... i dun even keep any pets right from the start when i was young... back then, i wld never be able to comprehend why would ppl feel so sad over their pets... now i knew, even wif e short span of time spent wif her... its devastating... as devastating enough as losing a family member, because she's part of the family... the love that the family had for her, she is a very fortunate dog already... the continuous care that auntie D devoted to her was way beyond words to describe... i had to admit i reali cant stand the smell of shit and to wash off the shit off her, it was beyond my imagination.. but there were times i still did together wif the help from dear BF and auntie D.. and the even more times that auntie D bear with it and wash her until she was clean...

when she suddenly collapsed this time, i din wan to believe that she wld reali bear to leave us so soon on that fateful day.. i was reali hoping everyday that she cld recover soon and be able to walk like how she used to be... when dear BF told me he didnt tink she cld make it past that day.. i panicked... its e same panic i felt when i received news on my grandfather.. i never made it to see her one last time........................................................

i count my blessings that i hav been given the chance to know you, del del... otherwise i would have missed out the many occasions where you brought joy to the family with your antics... and never get to witness the love the family has shared for you... the older you were, the more adorable you became.. even with the many hassles that came along with your aging hood, there were grumbles but there were never complaints from your family members.. the memories spent wif you remained deeply etched in my heart...........

del del, be happy whenever you will be going.. dun forget your papa whom you love so much, your mummy who has taken very care of you and your siblings who love you unconditionally... they will never forget you... but dun be fierce to other dogs anymore when you are at where you should be okie...
i do miss you too

you are the best dog that ever came in our lives...

Praying Selina can recover soon

feeling kinda heartbroken from reading all the news regarding selina's burns..

as my dear frens wld noe how much i love this grp S.H.E and how long i hav been following them, never once tinking of deserting the idolism for this grp for others..

i like the friendship tat i can see between them.. the rapport between them.. how they connect to each other even though they hav came from various places from the start.. a true, sincere and heartfelt friendship i c in them that i barely can say for the same for other grps...

when i 1st read the news in the New Paper.. first tot that came into my mind was muz b a gimmick.. tis cannot be true.. how cld such a thing befall on selina... you can nv believe totally wat newspaper or magazine is writing.. for all u noe, it mite be all scam, juz trying 2 make u buy more copies back to read..

they r e luckiest ger grp i feel.. wif all the 天时地利人和 that brought them to fame..

n tis lucky ger is gg 2 get married next year.. wat kind of joke is this for a filming to go awry??

its reali funny how god likes 2 play wif humans' fate... who can fathom that when everything is gg so smoothly on tis end, it mite spell sth amiss on the other end??

when i read on the news, a sinking feeling seeps in.. yeah, wth, this is true... poor selina indeed got burnt.. u noe how newspapers always like to exaggerate their headlines... i reali tot it cld one of those moments again.. n den when u read on, u realise "chey, juz a slight burn onli la.."
then it shocked mi... 3rd-degree burns.. i was still fumbling in my own mind of encyclopedia how serious is exactly 3rd degrees burns... how come newspapers made it out to be so frigging serious like tat..
isnt 1st degree burns e worst??
my mind is always mixed up wif how we always like to play wif numbers.. like sometimes we will associate 1 being the most important hence anything serious will hav to be link with 1 so on and so forth.. n like when we wanna express how much we like sth den 5 is being associated..

tis is where i hav to thanks uncle google for help... that i can get my facts correct.. 1st degree burns to 6th degree burns.. with 1st degree being situations like sunburn and 6th degree where bones can be revealed from the burn...

so can u imagine the impact of 3rd degree burns?? they leave extensive scars...

especially for a showbiz artiste, its almost equivalent to near suicide.. OMG... now then it dawned on me why they say its a long road of recovery for her...

this is also WHERE you can see what i meant by sincere love and friendship exist between these three gers so much so that even Hebe's mum jumps out to lend a helping hand..

seriously, my heart aches.. n i am nearly in tears when reading the article..

"Jen was not so lucky. She suffered third degree burns on her arms, hands, finger, thighs and back. Skin grafts have been planned for Jen though it is unknown how these injuries will affect her career. "

why so unfair one T_______T *shakes fist*

on my own wishful thinking, i wish i can b there to lend tis pretty young lady a support, sincerely sincerely prayng tat all the skin grafting and whatever shit they r doing can restore everything back to place for her...

dedicated to my beloved S.H.E...

missing childhood days...

been lazy to blog recently becos super uber no inspiration...

was preoccupied wif some unnecessary 胡思乱想.. den decided 2 put those thoughts at the back of my mind and carry on wif life..

therefore no inspiration and mood to properly blog..

THEN...

out of a sudden, i was hit by an inspiration to blog as i was walking under the hot sun wif e breeze blowing on my face..

it reminded mi of my grandma's hse..

i dunno y.. but its always tat particular bright sun wif a slow breeze blowing in the middle of the afternoon that ignites the nostalgia in mi...

it brought back memories of my childhood sundays all spent at 外婆 hse... and the weather generally stayed bright and sunny wif tat slow breeze blowing into the hse when a grp of cousins gathered at her place.. it used to an uncle's hse rite next to my 外婆 hse and we had the whole corridor and the stairs landing all to ourselves..

had hopscotch, zero-point, role play like doctor, teacher, 才华横溢出新秀 etc.. u name it, we play it..
we kapo chalks fr sch, paper to make believe the game..
the onli two boys back then were even forced 2 play such games wif us gers..
we even held our own scavenger hunt consisting of gifts tat we wanna give each other..

once, i rem, we found an old washing machine wif a lot of marbles in it at the stairs landing.. we got reali excited and even had a MAJOR quarrel on who should keep the nicer marbles..

we camwhored at the stair landings..

we had our numerous quarrels as well during those times.. even can hav different groups amidst of so limited ppl.. wif qi being the leader of the main group.. i was usually the outcast by her becos somehow i did alot of silly things 2 incur e warth of her..


and we all grew up... everything changes... uncle moved away... the gatherings on sundays get less and less frequent...

i rem how much i always anticipated 2 go 2 my 外婆 hse on a sunday.. and i would pester mummy to must bring us to my 外婆 hse..
when it was near to late afternoon, i was nearly always disappointed for needing to go off so soon... sometimes played until so tired where i wld fall asleep in e bus..

i missed the feeling of squeezing wif mummy n sis on a two seater in e bus.. its heartwarming.. i missed the feeling of always wanting to climb to the 2nd deck seats...

gone were the days of no monday-blues.. gone were the days of wanting to go to the 2nd deck.. now i became so lazy and clumsy until i dun reali climb to the 2nd deck anymore.. 
gone were all these days when mummy and 外婆 are no longer around.. CNY became a very pointless celebration to me...

these memories became my most precious memories of my childhood..

an emo post..

recently, i came across another blogger.. something that strikes mi about tis blogger is the close friendship she has with this ger.. and the feeling is mutual..
i mean, well, ppl change in different stages of life.. frens come n go in out of life.. u made new frens.. u get chummy wif new frens.. and sometimes when they r in ur life so much so that your contact wif old frens decrease, the once present closeness deteriorate or even cease..

or perhaps in the midst of your growing up, u realise the fren that u once know hardly feel like u reali know them... or u hav grown up too fast or they have grown up too fast until either one gets left behind n nobody turns back to pick e other one up again..

so my point is when reading through the archive of this blogger, the friendship between her and e other ger was truely heartfelt.. even if they have spent like 2 years apart in different countries.. even if they hav grown up in different ways.. when they finally met each other again, e fear and apprehension fr her was instantly dissipated.. its like they have never spent tat 2 years apart.. true that they have grown up in their different way.. it did not keep their friendship away..

u noe its like when u have spent years not contacting tat fren, e trepidation of not knowing what to say when u finally c tat fren is there.. e awkwardness, e uneasiness where u worried what if u boggled up and e rest of the time spent will be basically crap and tat spells the end of the entire frenship tat took years to build up in e 1st place..

i was completely astounded by e sincerity of friendship that she has had for her fren n vice versa.. soulmate has its sudden new definition all over again..

it moved me to tears nearly when i came across a post where (lets call e blogger A1 and e fren A2..) A2 who was away in a far faraway land tis time such tat she cldnt celebrate A1's bday wif her..
she "conjured" a surprise party for A1 even though she was far faraway..
n besides a surprise party, she even came up wif a surprise blog post for her.. where she tried means n ways to log into A1's blog acct to write tat particular post for her..
in short, its abt e various bday celebrations spent together...
she even made one video for A1 for another occasion which both of them cried.. sooo nice..
to that extent, it made mi touched... that e friendship they shared is not bounded by the distance that is in between them..

how many chances in this lifetime can you find two such frens so dedicated to each other.. who will go an extra mile for each other unconditionally..

i tink i have seen tis kind of friendship in S & A..

then it got me thinking... i am always e one making tat kind of video for frens.. not that im complaining.. im not becos i did those videos willingly and most imptly whole heartedly.. i dun mind giving my 100% for things that i find it worthwhile.. i reckon that's why it always resulted in mi doing silly things for alot of ppl.. and for some ppl who are not even worth it.. and i onli realised after a long long moment.. even my mum scolded mi for being silly too T___T

then i tink further - who will make one such video for me??? who will go that extra mile for me when i have not make the first step out??? izzit usually a two way ticket or just a one way trip to Oz Wonderland..

so here's my wishlist for 2011..

frens who dote on me can also dote on mi in a material sense :D


Wishlist 2011:

1. Panasonic LX5 camera (you can choose to sponsor me for any amount you are willing to part with so that i can cum it and get the camera.. LOL.. but pls dun come and tell mi you wan to sponsor mi with one dollar or anything along tat line.. i will ask u go and fly a kite!! one dollar cannot even buy the screw that holds the body together!)


2. Polaroid Camera with Film


3. Isetan/Tangs Vouchers


4. A whole new wardrobe cum room revamp.. (this sounds machiam like a gift from myself to me..)


5. Prada bag (know why i put tis as the last?? becos i knew tis is hardest to achieve unless i achieve it through my own hardwork.. else i can only hope one day a lightbulb will suddenly blink on top of someone's head and he realise yaa his gf does deserve one bag for... erhmmmmmmm... her silliness and mayb sometimes cuteness.. *MAJOR BUAY PAISEH* yeah.. some nice fantasy there..)


i am very smart, isnt it?? to start with an emo post and end off wif mi.. HA HA HA..

记得要好好珍惜

i came across this entry in someone's blog.. and tot it mite be gd for sharing...

seems more apt to type in chinese becos the post is in chinese..

在现今的都会成长, 我们往往在无形中建立了很多的包袱... 也在这个过程中迷失了自己好多好多次... 形成了在别人的对比下给自己造成莫名的压力...
所以因此我们忘了如何去珍惜身旁在乎的人所为我们做过的事..

以下这篇文章, 希望大家在阅读后能牢牢的记住"珍惜"是世上最珍贵的用词..

.

.

.


你可知道


要女人清晨醒來

淩亂的面對一個愛的人

是需要有很大的勇氣



你可知道

當女人被男人

脫去自己的衣服

一絲不掛的在他面前

是需要多少的愛



你可知道

女人爲什麽會背朝你睡

因為她不喜歡看你的背影

如果你以後抱著她睡

她會安心一整個晚上



你可知道

女人把每一次的愛情

當作是初戀

也是這輩子最後一個來愛



你可知道

女人那麼愛吃醋不是因為不相信你

而是你在她心中太美好

她不希望這種美好倒映在別的女人眼中



你可知道

深愛你的女人在沖你發火以後

自己卻轉身不斷啜泣



你可知道

當女人頂著哭花的臉

走在街上

不管是不是有人在看她時

她的心已經快要死了



你可知道

她只會對她愛的男人嘮叨

也只會對她在乎的人耍性子



你可知道

她的任性 她的壞脾氣

其實都只是在對你撒嬌

希望你更重視她



你可知道

假若她不愛你

她根本不會對你發火

不會希望你去哄她

更不會為你掉眼淚

因為她不愛的人沒那本事



你可知道

當你離開她

留下她獨自一人

她有多大的期待和恐懼



而這一切都只是因為她愛你

而這一切都因為你還不夠懂她



女人知道太多不該知道的事情

男人不知道太多該知道的事情





於是，你們爭吵，你認為她脾氣不好，她認為你不夠遷就她……

於是，你們冷戰，你以為她沒有完全接受你，她以為你不在乎她……





兩個深愛的人在一起，就要

互相包容，互相理解，互相體諒，互相信任，





希望每一個男人都能夠好好珍惜陪伴在你身邊的女人

她們為你付出過，不求回報

卻希望你們能夠讀懂，能夠牽著她們的手堅定地走下去

不要讓愛你的女人流淚

不要讓她傷心

女孩子20歲左右是她最美麗的。這時她的心地最善良，她有點成熟，又有點孩子氣。

男孩子20左右的時候是他最暗淡的日子，這時什麼都沒有，不能獨立又不想依賴，掙扎著彷徨著，尋找著自己的位置，所以如果一個男孩子在他20歲左右的時候 遇見了與他年紀相當的女孩子，那一定要珍惜她，因為這個女孩子是用用自己最美麗的年華陪他走過了最暗淡的日子！女孩只有陪他走過，女孩將永遠幸福下去。



缘分来的不容易所以一定要珍惜

 
this is not juz applicable for a BGR, i tink it is an essential for all r/s in life... where we muz noe how 2 appreciate what our loved ones have done for us instead of only thinking what we have done for them..

H.U.R.T. v hurt..

just when I tot things mite b getting better since he's in e mood 4 chitchat 2day..

he made a scathing remark..

那时你煮的"什菜" (Zhap Cai)难吃到要死
我吃到要呕吐
剩下的全部倒掉

he made an even nastier remark which i do not wish to repeat it here..

it's so hurting until I cldnt control my tears anymore..

he doesnt have to sound so condescending, does he???

nth is gg right.. everything is so wrong..

what a terrible friday when i'm trying 2 make an effort 2 stay at hm instead of gg out..

treasure ur grandparents..

it felt so impossible that so many things cld take place during such a short span of time..
i've been busy wif my stuff for two mths since I received news that my grandma was v ill two mths back.. i took urgent leave n rushed down to visit her on a Monday afternoon in apr.. in fact nearly the entire fam was down at her place, worrying abt her condition.. it was a false alarm, thanks heaven, that she onli slipped into a sugar coma due to low sugar count..
two mths passed with every wk, mi not being able to make some time 2 go down n visit her... somehow e responsibility falls greatly on us 2 make sure we visit her ever since mummy passed away... it used to be a weekly routine for my cousins n us 2 gather every sun 2 visit our grandparents.. gradually, e routine ceased when each of us start leading our own life as work n life catch up wif us...
i tink im e most unfilial one paying e least visit to them T__T
my grandfather got a stroke (i forgot its actually one or two yrs back..) to a pt he nearly forgot abt mi.. frankly, i was quite upset abt it but i hav nobody to blame but myself.. but in e end he still rem mi which nearly always make mi in tears..

as i am typing this, i am trying my v best 2 hold back my tears...

e thunderbolt news came last sunday nite that my grandma has passed away in the hospital.. two days shortly after dear junie's wedding.. i received e news on a saturday afternoon.. but NO, i din rush down becos i was too dead tired fr J's wedding... so i made excuses 2 myself 2 visit her on a weekday after work.. sunday was my paternal grandmother's birthday celebration so i cldnt go down... but everything felt like mere excuses when things started to happen.. i was reeling in shock.. but i cldnt let my emotions out.. it felt................. v empty inside.. like a void dark blank... i cldnt find e tears 2 cry... becos i din get 2 c her at all when she was still alive.. n i din get 2 even c her when she was being transported out of the hospital to the mortuary..

it was a very different feeling as compared to 10 years ago when i received news of the death of my paternal grandfather.. i broke down on e spot in the school compound, scaring quite a few of my choir frens becos it was rite after a choir competition.. i reckoned i was younger.. emotions were easier then... you can just cry or don't cry..

sunday, i cldnt cry.. i dunno wat exactly im holding back for.. i onli rem how much i wish for the presence of my mum...

monday i reached e wake at 9am.. we went through the necessary rites.. i saw her coffin being carried into the closed up area.. i din cry when i saw her face in the coffin.. saw how thin she has become... it tore at my heart.. i was quite terrified with myself.. hav i grown to be so cold blooded until i cannot longer cry when there's death in the family.. or izzit the older u get, e harder it is to show e tears in front of ppl??

on e way out to the altar area, i tot 2 myself i can no longer see 外婆 anymore... chinese new year is nv gg to be the same anymore without her ard.. e tears started... memories flashback is one of e worst aches..
i tot of my poor grandfather hu is so heartbroken wif her death.. so heartbroken wif my mum's death such that everytime he c my sis n mi, he wld break down in tears.. tis is sth v v new for a grandfather hu spoke of v few words n emotions before he got e stroke..

it is v nerve wrecking for the past three years when one thing happened after another... it makes mi see how life has turned out to be so fragile as one gets older.. everyone tells mi it is inevitable.. it is juz part n parcel of life... but y do humans have to go through all these? one wk before, i c my grandfather so strong n sturdy, e next he was stricken by stroke.. my grandmother growing frail as days go by but i still go on wif my life..

each time that there is a death in the family, i noe things will never be the same anymore... i will never be able to walk through e same house without feeling that something is amiss.. even if she was not there with mi every min but she had been there throughout my growing yrs for the past 26 years... this is significant...

e same as i dun like CNY anymore after mummy has passed away... no matter what i try to do on e eve of e nite, there is a void tat cannot b filled up... mother's day also seems pointless to mi anymore...

things hit hard when u get older, n more sensible, n more aware of wat is gg on... e ache tat u feel now is 100,000,000 times more that what u cld hav felt 10yrs ago... becos even though my grandparents are not the ones hu have brought mi up, yet nearly every event in ur life so far has been spent wif them...

i rem how it was like when i always looked forward to gg 2 my grandma's hse every sun when i was young.. though i noe e purpose was not 2 visit them but to play wif my cousins.. it did count that their presence marks a difference no matter wat e intention of the visit is meant for...
i rem how everytime during pri class periods, when e afternoon wind blew at mi, it always make mi tink of my grandma's hse...
i rem there was once i decided we need to have an updated family photo during one of my grandma's birthday celebrations so i brought my camera along.. e feeling felt great when everyone was so enthusiastic n delighted 2 take e photos.. im glad i made tat happened probably 6-7yrs ago.. but regretted when i din cont wif tis every yr..

a fren told mi 2 treasure (in fact many did..) whatever i hav wif huever i have now so that there wont b regrets in future.. it is always at tat instant where u rem n wan 2 treasure every moment, n aft a while, things go back to their usual cycle n everyone takes each other for granted again.. i hav made my effort in trying 2 tok 2 my dad more juz fyi...
i feel no matter how much u treasure ur fam, there's gg 2 b a pt where there's still regrets... death brings upon regrets...

i dun need anymore condolences... for i noe, i will be going through all these for probably another 100times when i hav a big fam... it will probably grow to a pt where i dun even noe how 2 cry anymore... e feeling juz numbs in e heart..